Tiffany thinks people are at Borders to buy her CD

HAGERSTOWN, Md. — As Showering with Tiffany co-owner Tim Shea gave stunningly beautiful 35-year-old mall singer Tiffany a tour of his former hometown on Friday, a crowd gathered at the Centre at Hagerstown caught the attention of the couple.
"We saw this long line of people at Borders and I drove over that way to check it out," Shea said. "Tiffany got all excited because she thought everybody was lined up to buy her CD (Just Me). I told her I wasn't sure about that because I heard there was some stupid fantasy book that supposedly was being released at midnight."
Tiffany got out of Shea's Hummer and approached the crowd, which was lined up all the way to Payless Shoe Source.
"Wow you guys, I can't believe you all want my CD," Tiffany said. "I hope they ordered enough of them so nobody goes home disappointed."
Many in the crowd snickered as Tiffany walked away in an attempt to enter the bookstore.
"Mommy, who was that?" a young boy asked. "I wonder if she's going to be Miverva McGonagall in the next movie."
Security personnel on hand at the bookstore had to restrain Tiffany as well as deal with a rowdy bunch of adolescents and alleged adults, many of whom believed the mall singer was trying to cut in line to ensure she received a copy of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," the final book in the fantasy series by J.K. Rowling.
"Hey dudes, like take it easy," Tiffany said. "There's plenty of CDs to go around. I know this place has a couple of hundred of them in stock. Gee, they're acting like some book is coming out at midnight. Get a life, people."
Tiffany eventually was taken to the ground and tasered by officers with the Hagerstown Police Department.
"Dude, like stop trying to shock me," Tiffany said after being tasered for the fourth time. "Do you have any idea who you're dealing with? Save it for Debbie Gibson, you freakazoids."
Calm eventually was restored, and Tiffany was able to enter the bookstore after 200 others filed in.
"Man Tim, is this like 'The Planet of the Morons?'" Tiffany said after finally getting to take a closer look at the crowd. "What's with all of these stupid capes and hats? Is this a magician convention or something?"
Tiffany once again was angered when she accidentally was poked in the rear end by a wand being carried by an unidentified middle-aged man dressed as Ron Weasley.
"Hey dude, like watch where you're sticking that thing," Tiffany said to the stunned youth. "Gee whiz, like get your hormones under control. I'll sign your CD, but that's all you're getting from me, you pervert."
Tiffany left Borders without signing any CDs and armed with a copy of the final Harry Potter book.
"Everybody says this is a cool book, so I'll have to take it back to Intercourse," Tiffany said. "I can't wait to read it to my class. People were saying there was stuff like witchcraft and magic in this thing. Oh man, those Amish kids are going to love it! This is a huge book! Maybe I should just skip right to the end."