Tiffany: We'll make Vick our first pick

INTERCOURSE, Pa. — Stunningly beautiful and delightfully ditzy 35-year-old mall singer Tiffany, co-owner of the Showering With Tiffany fantasy football franchise, tipped off several members of the media on Tuesday about her hopes for the soon-to-be-scheduled fantasy football draft.
"I may not know a lot about fantasy football, but I do know this — we need Michael Vick," Tiffany said. "I hope Tim (Shea, Tiffany's co-owner and the love of her life) goes along with me. We're trying to defend our title and we're in for a dogfight."
As sportswriters tried unsuccessfully to stifle their laughter, Tiffany tried to set them straight.
"Uh, hello. Michael Vick like runs with the football and he like throws the football, too," Tiffany declared. "I mean, he's going to lead the league in rebounds, don't you think? If Tim doesn't pick him, he's going to be in my doghouse, I'll tell you that."
Vick, who allegedly has been involved in a dogfighting ring in Virginia, has been told by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to stay away from training camp pending a league investigation into the accusations.
A befuddled Tiffany starting hurling insults at the sportswriters, who were on the ground rolling while laughing at the mall singer.
"You guys are like so immature," Tiffany said. "I say we're going to draft Michael Vick and you start acting like I'm a freakazoid from another planet like Mars or wherever Spock was from. You just wish you were as great as Vick. You guys must have been dogging it in high school. Oh, whatever!"
A flustered Tiffany stormed away from the media gathering and into the arms of Shea, who consoled her.
"Honey, haven't you heard about Vick not playing football this year," Shea said as Tiffany fought back tears. "It's OK, sweetheart. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there. I'm sorry those doggone sportswriters made my wittle snookums cry."
A smile then came to Tiffany's face when Shea said he had a surprise for her.
"Honey, I went to Taco Bell in Lancaster today," Shea said. "Mmmm, that stuff was good. And I saved some tacos for you. I've got them at home in a doggie bag."