INTERCOURSE, Pa. — Wednesday's press briefing by Showering with Tiffany co-owner Tim Shea turned into another tumultuous encounter between Tiffany and members of the media.
As Shea gave an update on quarterback rankings, the stunningly beautiful and delightfully ditzy 35-year-old mall singer, aka "Wittle Snookums," interjected with her opinion on who should be the first quarterback taken.
"Did you guys see the Hall of Fame game the other night?" Tiffany asked the media throng. "How about that quarterback who was like throwing the ball?"
"Drew Brees?" one sportswriter asked.
"No, one of the Pittsburgh dudes," Tiffany replied.
Media members started snickering when they thought the mall singer was referring to Ben Roethlisberger, but began laughing when they found out Tiffany was referring to "that other dude, you know, that St. something — some German name."
After Shea said the chances of drafting Brian St. Pierre were about the same as "spending a weekend on Three Mile Island," the press conference turned from the sublime to the hysterical.
"Three Mile Island? Oh sweetie, that sounds so romantic," Tiffany said. "Let's go away this weekend. Please, please, please? God, I feel like I'm glowing."
While a befuddled Shea struggled to respond, the mall singer continued talking about her planned getaway.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" Tiffany asked. "Oh, don't worry about how much it's going to cost. We need some alone time. Should I bring my swimsuit or are we just going to spend the entire weekend indoors?"
Shea replied by saying that they would have plenty of privacy, but the accommodations left much to be desired.
"Oh, then let's go camping," the mall singer replied. "We can make some S'mores and I'm sure there will be water somewhere. It's going to suck not having a microwave though."
Tiffany then turned to the sportswriters, who were on the floor rolling in laughter, and spewed some invective in their direction.
"You know, I'm so tired of how immature you guys are," Tiffany said. "You're all jealous because you can't spend a romantic weekend with my sweetie on Three Mile Island. Man, you morons are like going nuclear."
As the sportswriters continued to laugh, a flustered Tiffany became even more enraged.
"I'm so like sick and tired of you guys making fun of me," a teary-eyed Tiffany said. "You're all so totally lame-o. I try being nice to you guys and this is the thanks I get? That's fine. If you guys want to see me have a meltdown, well congratulations. You're nothing but a bunch of freakazoids who like Debbie Gibson. I hate you!"
Tiffany left the stage briefly, then returned.
"Hey honey, I've got an even better idea than Three Mile Island," she said. "Let's just get as far away from these sportswriter jerks as we can. There are plenty of islands in the Pacific we can go to and never leave. So how do you get to Alcatraz?"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment