Tiffany teaches Amish girls about safe sex

INTERCOURSE, Pa. — Showering With Tiffany co-owner and former mall singing sensation Tiffany recently received her teaching certification from the Pennsylvania Department of Education.
The 35-year-old stunningly beautiful Tiffany was certified after agreeing to Gov. Ed Rendell's request to sing the national anthem before a Philadelphia Eagles home game this season.
Tiffany immediately had an impact on the impressionable and backward Amish youths.
"It's important that these Amish girls take precautions," Tiffany said. "One false move and either you get an STD or you're pregnant. I don't want these inbred girls to feel pressured to have sex with those inbred guys."
As part of her lesson plan, she taught the girls about sexually transmitted diseases, including gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia.
"I hope you girls don't ever get one of these," Tiffany told a wide-eyed class of Amish girls. "Once it happens to you, you'll be labeled a slut for life."
Tiffany then showed the girls the proper use of condoms by opening one and unrolling it on a banana.
"See, if you feel that you really need to prove your love to a guy, simply unroll one of these on his 'banana'" Tiffany said. "You'll feel so much better that you did."
At lunch the next day, an Amish girl whose identity is being protected in order not to be shunned walked up to a boy she has had a crush on in the cafeteria.
"I was so happy when she said loved me, and she wanted to prove it," said the boy, whose identity also is being protected.
The girl then took a condom provided to her by Tiffany and followed the lesson she learned the previous day.
"She then unrolled this weird looking balloon on my banana," the boy said. "I guess I'm really happy that she loves me and all.
"But I really was hungry for that banana."
Tiffany also is scheduled to begin teaching American history to the youths.
"I can't wait to start telling them about the history of our country," Tiffany said. "In my first class, I'll tell them that America was discovered by Christopher Cross. It's a known fact. After all, didn't he write 'Sailing' about that?"