Amish can't believe Tiffany eats "that Taco Bell crap"

INTERCOURSE, Pa. — With an Orange Julius set to open this weekend, 35-year-old stunningly beautiful mall singer Tiffany announced plans Thursday for her second business venture in Intercourse.
"I'm pleased to announce that we're going to have a Taco Bell here," a beaming Tiffany said to a disgruntled group of Intercourse residents. "Nothing like good Mexican food when you need something to eat fast. Mmmmm mmmmm."
Preliminary plans call for the restaurant to be built across the street from the Orange Julius, with seating for 40, parking for 12 horses and buggies, and a drive-through.
Some Intercourse residents who protested the arrival of Orange Julius in town say the mall singer has gone too far in her efforts to bring businesses here.
"Why on God's green earth do we need a Taco Bell here?" Ebenezer Yoder said. "We've been living off the land for hundreds of years now. We're not simply going to stop eating meatloaf, mashed potatoes and succotash to help her."
When informed of Yoder's comment, Tiffany appeared visibly upset.
"Gee whiz, like these people need to take a chill pill," Tiffany said. "And they'll need a chill pill after they try one of Taco Bell's burritos grande with hot sauce. Wow, my mouth's on fire just thinking about it. Mmmmm yummy."
Intercourse resident Jeremiah Ebersole took Tiffany up on her offer to try a burrito and immediately turned his nose up to the offering.
"I can't believe human beings actually consume this," Ebersole said. "What's wrong with meatloaf with gravy? I can't believe that woman actually eats that Taco Bell crap."
In order to provide the electricity needed to operate the restaurant, Tiffany and her fellow Showering With Tiffany co-owner, Tim Shea, purchased 25 electricity generators earlier this week.
"You know, maybe it's time for these inbreds who I call my new friends to give Taco Bell a try," Tiffany said. "Does it hurt to get out of their houses and go to a restaurant once in a great while? Maybe if they just try one double-stuffed chicken and cheese taco with guacamole, they might actually like it."
Shea, who has a minority stake in the Taco Bell franchise, suggested that the Intercourse restaurant try such items as meatloaf quesadillas with salsa and nachos smothered in cream gravy and topped with extra-hot jalapeno peppers.
An obviously miffed Tiffany abruptly left the press conference in order to attend to another matter of business she is planning on Friday.
"Does anyone know where the AT&T Store is here?" the mall singer asked. "I've got to get in line for one of those iPhones. I know the Amish kids are dying to get their hands on them. I've sent text messages to a few of them, but nobody's answered yet. Can I borrow a buggy so I can be the first in line?"